Giulio Bonasera
For me, the past year has been what might euphemistically be described as 鈥渃hallenging鈥. Not long after leaving a steady job for the freedom and financial insecurity of freelance life, it was made clear to me that my 25-year relationship with my wife would be ending in divorce, with all the upheaval that involves. My dad, meanwhile, has Alzheimer鈥檚, so I鈥檝e been travelling up and down the country to help my mum with his care.
To be clear,听I鈥檓听aware many people face far worse.听I鈥檓听oversharing on this occasion听to explain why, having become aware of听research showing听that our mindsets have a huge influence on how we navigate life鈥檚 twists and turns, I decided I needed to shift my own.
The question was how. What could I do, in practical terms, to shift my perspective on divorce from 鈥渃atastrophe鈥 鈥 something that left me feeling deeply sad and anxious about the future 鈥 to 鈥渙pportunity for growth鈥? And how could I address the sense that the situation was ageing me prematurely, affecting my health now and potentially my longevity? In search of answers, I turned to the psychologists at the forefront of mindset research.
I wasn鈥檛 expecting miracles. At 44, I figured my mindsets would be deeply ingrained. And yet I was pleased to discover not only that researchers are investigating concrete mindset-shift strategies, but also that 鈥 for me, at least 鈥 one in particular proved remarkably effective. 鈥淚t鈥檚 not magic,鈥 says , a psychologist at Stanford University in California. 鈥淲e know it works and we鈥檙e working to get a more sophisticated understanding of why, when and how.鈥
Master your mindset
At first glance, the term 鈥mindset鈥 sounds听vague.听For psychologists,听however,听it has听a precise definition: a set of beliefs and expectations about how some aspect of the world works and what that means for us. 鈥淭he way we think about it is as听a belief about yourself or your environment that shapes your interpretations and actions,鈥澨齭ays听听a psychologist听at the University of Texas听at听Austin. 鈥淚t鈥檚听your own intuitive, usually unspoken, theory about how things work听鈥 a theory听that shapes what you look for, how you make sense of things and how you act.鈥
What鈥檚听more,听there is听extensive evidence听that听mindsets affect many aspects of our lives. The classic example is that people with a growth mindset 鈥 the belief that intelligence and abilities can improve with effort 鈥 are more likely to persevere after failure and more willing to take on novel challenges than people with a fixed mindset, who view abilities as innate and unchangeable. Similarly, people who view stress as enhancing, rather than detrimental, tend to perform better under pressure and display more adaptive physiological responses to stressful situations. It鈥檚 the same story for everything from diet and exercise to sleep.
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鈥淭he evidence is overwhelming,鈥澨齭ays听 at Harvard University, who pioneered work on ageing mindsets in the 1980s. Nor should it be surprising, she argues: our minds and bodies are intimately connected, so it makes sense that how we think about something will change how we feel and even respond physiologically. Crucially, experiments also show that mindsets aren’t set in stone. 鈥淚n general, mindsets can be completely changed,鈥 says Yeager, who studies growth mindsets. 鈥淲e see that in our data every year.鈥
Even so,听鈥渢he most compelling evidence is experiential鈥,听Crum tells me, pointing out that the only way each of us can really know if mindset-change can help is to try it for ourselves. Which brings us back to my situation.
When I share my plan, Crum has a question of her own: which mindset? 鈥淕enerally, it鈥檚 important to isolate the mindset you want to change鈥, she says, because people have separate beliefs and expectations about each aspect of life, and the way to change them varies. 鈥淏eing specific helps you to avoid the thing that people often get wrong about mindsets, which is that it is just broadly positive thinking,鈥 says Crum.
For me, the answer was obvious.听I听genuinely听didn鈥檛听see听the听divorce coming and the听fallout听has been stressful.听My tendency to ruminate has gone into overdrive, affecting my sleep and my focus, which affects听my income, further compounding听the anxiety.听Clearly, my听stress mindset was to be my听first听focus 鈥撎齛nd I was speaking to the right person, because Crum听is听a听key听figure听here.
Reframing how you think about stress can bolster your ability to handle life’s challenges Maskot/Alamy
Her work centres on the idea that stress isn’t what you think it is. The problem, says Crum, is that 鈥渙ur cultural assumption is that stress is negative鈥. That is largely down to what we hear about the harm it can do. But the truth is that stress is neutral, says Crum. It is just the body鈥檚 response to a demand, and in many cases the familiar physiological sensations are helpful: the release of hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, for instance, prime us to confront a challenge. Psychologically, too, slow-burn stress from life events like job loss and divorce can bring long-term gains.
The point is that the work Crum and her colleagues have done shows that changing your stress mindset 鈥 from seeing stress as debilitating to viewing it as enhancing 鈥 can substantially affect which way it goes.
To take just one example, in a randomised-controlled trial involving nearly 400 people conducted two years into the covid-19 pandemic, and published in 2025, Crum and her colleagues assigned one group to a mindset intervention. This entailed watching videos and completing written exercises about the power of mindsets generally and about how people often benefit from living through catastrophic experiences. The other group watched videos about the chronology of the pandemic.
Three months later, the people in 鈥 a biomarker of systemic inflammation 鈥 than they did at the start of the study.听鈥淲e were able to show that people can reframe stressful events not just in real听time, but also by deliberately reflecting the past through the lens of opportunity, which can fundamentally alter how it influences our health and vitality in the future,鈥 says Crum.
All of which was encouraging. Reflecting on my own mindset regarding divorce, I realised it had been entirely negative. For me, divorce feels like a huge loss, first of all, but also a failure 鈥 and one with distressing consequences, not least for our two children. All this coloured my immediate response. And yet when I thought about it, months after the initial shock, with a deeper understanding of the power of mindsets, I could see that it didn’t have to be that way.
The problem was听that听it听wasn鈥檛听clear听how听exactly听I听could听change听my stress mindset听regarding听the听divorce.听Everything听I鈥檇听read overlooked the question of what we should do,听practically speaking,听to reset our beliefs and expectations.听In the听past few years,听however,听researchers have听been听testing different听mindset-shift听interventions.听鈥淚 take the question of how, and how best, to change mindsets very seriously,鈥 says Crum.听鈥淲hat good is knowing the power of mindset if you don鈥檛 also have the ability to change them?鈥
Thinking about thinking
Broadly, there are two different kinds of approach. The first is persuasive: to convince participants that one mindset is right or true. It works. Indeed, Yeager has found that it is even more effective if you ask participants to explain the benefits of the target mindset to others. 鈥淚f we just teach somebody the better mindset and have them use it to help others, they tend to adopt it,鈥 he says.
But Crum suspected that persuading people that one mindset is more right or true than another may not be the best approach. Trying to convince someone that they should think of some aspect of their life in a particular way inevitably oversimplifies its true nature, which is usually complex and ambiguous. 鈥淵ou see the videos听 [in the interventions] and you鈥檙e like, OK, stress is enhancing, I鈥檓 going to crush my work,鈥 she says. 鈥淏ut then you read something, or something happens, and suddenly you think, it鈥檚 not true. So you鈥檙e opening yourself up for disconfirmation.鈥
Hence Crum and others have recently been investigating a different strategy. Here, the idea is to give people balanced information about the nature of stress, along with the power of mindsets, with a view to empowering them to choose a more adaptive stress mindset even in the face of conflicting information and events.
鈥淭he goal is to adopt a particular mindset not necessarily because it’s more true, but because it’s more useful,鈥 says Crum. 鈥淭o do that, you first have to understand that the belief that stress is debilitating isn’t some unmediated reflection of an objective truth. It’s a belief. And then you need to understand that those beliefs have consequences, so you start to understand their self-fulfilling effects.鈥 That鈥檚 why it鈥檚 called the metacognitive approach: you are encouraging people to think about how they are thinking.
Sometimes, a shift in perspective can offer a whole new perspective Khairil Azhar Junos/Alamy
Sure enough, it seems to work better than persuasion, at least when it comes to stress. When Crum and her colleagues compared the with persuasion, they found that it leads to more pronounced mindset shifts and that those changes were more robust. 鈥淎ll of our intervention studies now are metacognitive,鈥 says Crum.
I was sold, and Crum helpfully pointed me to an she and her colleagues had devised. It consists of short videos and written exercises on the nature of stress and the power of mindsets, followed by a focus on Crum鈥檚 three-step implementation process 鈥 to acknowledge the stress, welcome it and utilise it. It took me a couple of hours to complete.
I was taken aback by how often I found myself reaching for the three steps over the following weeks 鈥 and even more so by the extent to which it changed the way I felt and behaved. Just before bed, first thing in the morning and in moments where I could feel anxiety welling up, I asked myself the following questions: What鈥檚 the source of my stress? Why am I stressed about this? And how can I best repurpose it? Honestly, I felt energised and resilient every time. Even when the latest bit of divorce admin arrived, which typically sends me into an emotional tailspin, I felt better able to cope. Repeat the steps, reframe the stress.
My experience is anecdotal, of course. But it aligns with another body of research on emotional regulation. , also at Stanford University, argues that emotions unfold in stages: we encounter a situation, attend to certain aspects of it, interpret what it means and finally generate a full emotional response. Building on that model, Gross and his colleagues have shown that if we intervene at the interpretation stage with a process he calls 鈥渃ognitive reappraisal鈥, we can alter the meaning of a situation before the emotional response is consolidated.
Cognitive reappraisal involves changing how you interpret a situation to alter the emotional response. Gross and others have demonstrated that it is effective across all manner of contexts, with habitual use leading to less negative emotion, better well-being, stronger relationships and greater life satisfaction. An found 鈥渃ompelling evidence showing that cognitive reappraisal skills operate as a protective strategy against stress and adversity and, therefore, enhance personal resilience鈥.
Viewed in that light, it鈥檚 easy to see why the reinterpretation embodied in Crum鈥檚 stress-mindset intervention is effective. It operates first at the higher level of beliefs and expectations, but also in the moment, offering a robust, practical strategy for reinterpreting the situation. And it has made a tangible difference for me. Obviously, it鈥檚 hard to know what is simply the result of the passage of time and what is down to the mindset shift, but I have been more emotionally stable, for starters, and more focused and productive at work.
I听wasn鈥檛听done yet, though.听The more I thought about my own mindsets, the more I came to see that my听throwaway remarks听about how听all听of this was听ageing me prematurely听were听indicative听of听an听ageing mindset that听is听almost certainly听not good for my health and longevity.
Again, the research here is convincing. 听at Yale University听has published dozens of studies showing that听our beliefs and expectations about ageing听鈥撎齮he extent to which we think decline is inevitable as we get older听鈥撎齪redict how we听fare in the coming decades.
鈥淲e’ve looked at the ways positive age beliefs are associated with behaviour, with people more likely to exercise and take prescribed medications,听and听with better cognitive performance and physical health听measured in various ways,鈥澨齭ays Levy.听鈥淲hen we鈥檝e looked at longevity, we’ve听even听found that people who’ve taken in more positive age beliefs have a survival advantage.鈥
In one听longitudinal study,听for instance,听Levy and her colleagues found that, on average, people with a more听optimistic听take on ageing than those who were more pessimistic, even having controlled for factors such as socioeconomic status听and听baseline听health.
In a ,听Levy and听her听colleagues听tracked听more than 11,000听older adults in the US听over 12 years. They听found听firstly听that听cognitive and physical performance improved for听nearly half听of participants, giving lie to the idea that decline is inevitable.听But听having asked participants at the outset to rate the extent to which they agreed with statements such as 鈥淎s you get older, you are less useful鈥澨齛nd 鈥淚 am as happy now as听when I was younger鈥, the researchers听also听found听鈥渢hat those who’d taken听on听more positive age beliefs are significantly more likely to show trajectories of improvement鈥,听says Levy.
Shifting negative beliefs
These听findings are explained by听Levy鈥檚听鈥stereotype embodiment theory鈥, which听proposes听we internalise听beliefs听about ageing听through our lives听and听that听they听eventually听become self-relevant,听shaping behaviour and physiology.听This听has,听in turn,听informed intervention strategies.听鈥淲e鈥檝e found that most people are able to shift their negative ageing beliefs toward more positive views,鈥 says Levy.听Indeed, in her 2022听book听Breaking the Age Code, she听outlines practical things we can do.
Levy suggests starting by becoming aware of the stereotypes we have internalised, such as by noting the first words that come to mind when we think about older people. The next thing is to question where those beliefs come from, and finally to challenge them with alternative explanations 鈥 you forgot your keys not because you are getting older, say, but because you were distracted. 鈥淲e suggest people keep a diary for a week of all the age belief messages they come across and then, for all the negative ones, think about alternative narratives,鈥 says Levy.
The beliefs you hold about ageing appear to have a dramatic effect on how you feel as you get older David Litschel/Alamy
Obviously, it is too early to say if any of this will help me live healthier for longer. But 鈥渋t鈥檚 never too early to start strengthening your positive age beliefs鈥, says Levy, pointing to 听in听which she听followed people from their late teens until their 60s and found听a听correlation between听early听negative听ageing beliefs and听poor听cardiovascular health听in old age.
So听what did听I learn, in the final reckoning,听by trying to shift my mindsets?听The first thing is that it is听eminently doable. You might even argue that we听don鈥檛听need psychologists to tell us we can feel differently about听stress or ageing,听and that doing so can change how we respond.听Typically, though,听we听don鈥檛. We tend not to give our mindsets a second thought because that听is their nature听鈥 default sets听of beliefs and expectations.
This is听why Langer听prefers to听speak about听鈥渕indlessness鈥.听鈥淚 think virtually all of us, almost all of the time, are mindless,鈥 she says.听鈥淎 mindset is just what you think you know about something.听And once you think听you听know something, alternatives听don鈥檛听occur to you.鈥澨齀t听is also why听Langer鈥檚听advice听is听unapologetically听broad-ranging:听鈥淭he way to deal with this mindlessness, for any of these views, is to look for contradictory evidence.听How do you know? How might it not be true, or how else might the situation听you鈥檙e听in be understood and interpreted?鈥
In that sense, Langer argues that awareness is听the key.听What I would听add,听based on my own experience, is听that听awareness听must be听combined听with practical steps听that听help turn听a new way of thinking into听a听habit.听I still use Crum鈥檚 three-step process when faced with a stressful situation, for instance, and it still works to make me feel more resilient.听So听I do feel better equipped to deal with whatever life throws at me.
It is also worth noting, however, that none of this is to deny that some of the things that life dishes out are difficult, upsetting or overwhelming. The point is rather that outcomes are rarely fixed and the way we interpret events can shape how they unfold.
In听my case,听I鈥檓听content听to be mindful that听I听don鈥檛听know how听life after divorce听will pan out, and听that听I听have a clear understanding of what I can do, in Langer鈥檚 phrase, 鈥渢o exploit the power of uncertainty鈥.
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