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Feeling a stab of after-hours guilt? If so, Greg Garvey’s Automatic
Confession Machine could be for you. Step up to the sleek, black booth with
its neon cross and winking Christ, kneel on the red velvet stool, press
the ‘amen’ button, and electronically divest yourself of your sins.

Garvey, who was brought up as a Catholic, programmed a computer to guide
users through a formal confession, strictly according to church doctrine,
he claims. After the customary ‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned’, the
programme instructs the user to tap in the number of days since last confession,
the number of venial versus mortal sins (selected from a list of the seven
deadly sins and the ten commandments) and then further details of each sin.

The confessor responds to the computer’s questions by pressing buttons
such as ‘days’, ‘weeks’, ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘venial’ and ‘mortal’. Once the sinful
tally is recorded, the machine calculates penance (11 Hail Marys and 11
Our Fathers for this writer) and delivers a print-out for the penitent on
a handy, wallet-sized slip of paper.

Garvey, an artist at Concordia University in Montreal, displayed his
computerised confessional at the 20th annual international conference on
computer graphics and interactive techniques at Anaheim, California. The
confessional was part of an interactive art exhibition at the conference.

‘My purpose is not to make fun of a particular sacrament or religion,’
says Garvey. But while he admits it is a somewhat tongue-in-cheek undertaking,
he is quick to point out its possible advantages over the real thing. ‘If
we mass-produce these we can guarantee uniform application of the doctrine,
we can automatically download the latest papal bull – any update necessary,’
he says. ‘We can have paid-for-confession – take Mastercard, Visa, American
Express. And, of course, there’s the added confidentiality.’

Garvey points out that his confessional is not the first marriage of
high technology to religious rite. American televangelist Robert Tilton
claims to heal watchers who place their hand on the television screen over
his hand. And Jews have been faxing God for some time, in the form of prayers
that are received in Jerusalem and then slipped into the cracks of the Wailing
Wall.

But for now, says Garvey, the automatic confessional could not possibly
replace a priest, because the software has not been ordained.