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A close reading of education secretary Kenneth Clarke’s speech to the
House of Commons in the science debate last month may prove interesting
for statisticians and politicians alike.

During the debate Clarke said that Britain’s proportion of world output
of scientific papers between 1981 and 1986 had remained constant at 8.3
per cent; Germany’s had fallen from 6.3 per cent to 5.9 per cent; and France’s
had fallen from 5.1 per cent to 4.8 per cent.

Clarke gave no source for the figures, but it seems they must have come
from a paper by Ben Martin et al in the February 1990 issue of Science and
Public Policy. Unfortunately for Clarke, Martin’s figures are only nearly
the same as his.

According to Martin, Britain’s share of world science actually fell
from 8.34 per cent to 8.19 per cent; Germany’s fell from 6.28 to 5.84; and
France’s fell from 5.02 to 4.87. In other words, Britain and France’s share
fell by the same amount, 0.15 percentage points. Misleading Parliament?
Or just one of those unfortunate problems with rounding?

* * *

Jim Buess explains this week how you can see the Grand Canyon but not
actually visit it. That, it seems, is not the only problem: you have to
be careful about how you bring home your memories. Tourists who take the
bus to the Grand Canyon Theatre pay $6 each to watch a 34-minute film about
the Grand Canyon in the giant Imax format, with 20-metre-high screen and
six-track Dolby sound of celestial choirs.

The Imax photography was certainly impressive, but watching the film
is, after all, just watching a film . Not everyone seems to realise this.
On a recent visit, most of the cinema audience were Japanese. And some were
taking snapshot photographs of the screen while the film was showing, using
flash guns. So what they will get to show their friends back home is a picture
of a big white sheet.

* * *

Times must be very hard for Britain’s beleaguered Agricultural and Food
Research Council. At a press conference this month, council secretary Tom
Blundell showed journalists a slide detailing the AFRC’s expenditure on
research into the spongiform encephalopathies, mainly BSE. But the amount
seemed somewhat low considering the importance of the subject: just £3.50
per annum. Now, is the word ‘million’ missing perhaps?

* * *

This month the Blue Riband for the fastest crossing of the Atlantic
is due to go on display in the Science Museum in London. It was won by Hoverspeed,
with its revolutionary wave-piercing catamaran the SeaCat, which crossed
the great ocean in just under 3 days and 8 hours.

It was the year’s high spot for the speedy craft, which is to be the
spearhead of Hoverspeed’s strategy to compete with the Channel Tunnel. On
the Portsmouth-to-Cherbourg run passengers frequently complained of seasickness.
Hoverspeed has now modified the craft, putting 20 tonnes of ballast in its
nose and replacing faulty impeller casting, which prevented the craft running
flat out. The owner, Sea Containers, is confident that these changes will
have solved the problem of seasickness.

The proof of the pudding, however, is in the-well-perhaps that is not
the most appropriate metaphor. This year the SeaCat, supplemented by another
newly arrived from Australia, will start plying from Dover to France. The
brochure promises: ‘Travel abroad SeaCat is an experience in itself. From
your first sight of her you’ll know you’re in for a special time.’

* * *

Britain’s roads are now so congested and airport security so tight that
some people just cannot face going on holiday. Perhaps this explains the
new sign at the first service station on the M1 motorway out of London.
The service station has long had a motel for tired drivers heading for London.
The new sign offers ‘holiday breaks’ there.

* * *

Is there any limit to humbug and hypocrisy (and no, please don’t send
in answers)? The last time a virgin conceived with great publicity, the
reaction was generally positive, except among the ruling circles, which
coincidentally had just introduced a poll tax. Now the headlines are less
than welcoming. You know the sort of thing: ‘Outlaw virgin births say MPs’.
Yes, but what might this do to the chances of Britain winning the contract
for the Second Coming?

* * *

Some of the people working for Japanese electronics companies in Britain
loved Harold Thimbleby’s feature on the absurd difficulties of operating
video recorders (‘Can anyone work the video?’, 23 February’). It is just
what they have been trying to tell their masters in Japan for years.

It is not just the Japanese who make things unnecessarily difficult
to use. One reporter here recently took one of Polaroid’s Image cameras
out of the cupboard and got unexpectedly poor results. He wanted to check
that the controls were correctly set, but he had lost the instruction book.
Controls on the camera marked with musical notes and lightning strikes are
fairly clear, but not the one which can be switched between FT and M. Another
toggles between black-and-white and green clock signs. Then there is an
up arrow and a down arrow. All this had seemed very simple and logical when
the instruction book was to hand. But without the book it was meaningless.

Someone at Polaroid UK thought she knew what the arrows meant, but not
the clock or FT and M switch. She was going to ask round the company and
let us know. But that was over a month ago now, and there’s still no reply.
Perhaps Polaroid has lost its instruction books, too.