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Abductions: Encounters with Extraterrestrials by Edith Fiore, Sidgwick
& Jackson, pp 342, Pounds sterling 13.95

I WANT to record here an extraordinary interaction that I recently had
with a patient of mine named Rod. Rod suffers from underconfidence, acne
and overeating. In the middle of the night he telephoned me to say he had
been visited by a strange and terrible intelligence from another world and
desperately needed someone to talk to. I told him to come over at once.
This is how our conversation went.

Dr Clifford: ‘Tell me more about this strange visitation. You seem pretty
³Ü±è²õ±ð³Ù.’

Rod: ‘Yeah, yuh I . . . they were real weird and kinda strange, I’d
never come across any kind of life as bizarre.’

Dr Clifford: ‘Did they say what planet they were from?’

Rod: ‘Yeah.’

Dr Clifford: ‘What did they call it?’

Rod: ‘California.’

Dr Clifford: ‘What form did this strange intelligence take?’

Rod: ‘Hardback.’

Dr Clifford: ‘I’m finding this hard to believe, Rod.’

Rod: ‘No harder than me to start with. I mean, I always thought these
books were written for the paperback market or for the top shelf at the
newsagent. But just before I went to bed tonight, there it was in front
of me: Abductions, hardbound and with hardly any pictures either.’

Dr Clifford: ‘Did it occur to you they might have been going for the
Christmas present market?’

Rod: ‘Gee, no. And, gosh, my acne’s suddenly cleared up. That must be
because you helped me understand and unlock repressed material.’

Dr Clifford: ‘Maybe I can aid you in other ways Rod. Tell me about this
strange life-form.’

Rod: ‘Well, it’s written by a Californian psychologist who specialises
in hypnoregression. Her first name’s Edith but she makes everyone call her
Edee. It’s short for Edith. Just. And she makes sure to let you know she
has a PhD as well, just in case you don’t think she’s qualified.

Dr Clifford (PhD): ‘I see.’

Rod: ‘Anyhow, the book is a series of recorded conversations like this
one between her patients. By hypnotising them she gets them to remember
occa-sions when they were abducted by aliens from outer space, and by helping
them to come to terms with that trauma, neurotic symp-toms completely disappear.’

Dr Clifford: ‘Perhaps you fear you have been visited by ETs, and that’s
why you find this book so shocking?’

Rod: ‘Yeh, maybe. Hey, I don’t feel hungry no more.’

Dr Clifford: ‘It seems once again I’ve helped you. Tell me more about
this book. You must learn to accept that people like Edee and her patients
±ð³æ¾±²õ³Ù.’

Rod: ‘Yeah, but that’s kind of hard. How can they be real? They don’t
react like people, they seem like characters from a cartoon strip. The women
patients have always been abducted by aliens who probed them and then took
their ova. And the males always think the extraterrestrials have taken away
their sperm by sucking it out of their penis through a wire. So that chapter
titles are things like: ‘They Put Something in My Rectum.’ and ‘They take
my eggs!’ But they always feel better after they’ve told Edee what happened
and she gives them a hug at the end of the session. That seems to be an
important part of the therapy.’

Dr Clifford: ‘Did you get the impression that either Edee or her patients
could be trusted as witnesses in any way?’

Rod: ‘No way, Jose. They all had names like Ted, Dan and Sandi, and
spoke with lots of dot dot dots in between their sentences, to convey they
were thinking and give what they said a kinda eery quality . . . and they
used expressions like ‘kinda’ a lot. I think they’re too inclined to follow
the advice of the title of Chapter One.’

Dr Clifford: ‘What’s that?’

Rod: ‘ ‘Empty Your Mind and Think of Nothing’.’

Dr Clifford: ‘I think you’re starting to feel better. Soon you’ll make
a complete recovery.’

Rod got up to leave and, as we said goodbye, I gave him a hug. Immediately
afterwards, he announced he no longer felt in any way underconfident and
could express his true feelings. I said that was great, but that I was going
to write an article in a magazine about him. He punched me in the face.
He was totally cured.

Andrew Clifford is a freelance critic